


The Philosophy Of Happy Endings

by Guardian_Rose



Series: The Philosophies of Magnus & Alec [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-09 21:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6924805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the imagined future of the TV show (Alec's eyes are blue though)</p><p>Magnus and Alec broke up 3 months ago.<br/>6 months after the crashed wedding and their first date. 5 months after Valentine was captured and imprisoned and Jace was brought home.</p><p>When Alec goes missing, Magnus has to decide whether to give them both their happy endings or to embrace the tragedy that is his immortality.</p><p>https://ficbook.net/readfic/5221897 - Russian Translation</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happy Endings Hurt

Maybe a happy ending wasn't worth this. This pain and suffering right now even with the promise of a brighter life ahead. Maybe he had been wrong and Alec Lightwood wouldn't break his heart but he couldn't take the chance. It was best to leave. It was always best to leave when it came to Shadowhunters, even young innocent ones who blush easily. They hurt the most in the end. So yes, maybe it is best to have this pain now rather than later.

Magnus sat in his Brooklyn apartment drinking, as he so often did. Staring out his window absently, not really seeing.

There were three missed calls from Alec sitting in the phone next to him. Magnus didn't listen to them. Just deleted them when they got to five. It was a cycle he was well practiced in by now but something was wrong. The shadowhunter hadn't called for an entire week. 

Not one text. Not one voicemail or email. Nothing. Jace hadn't contacted him since their last meeting when he barged into Magnus’s apartment and not even Izzy had called him, begging him to take Alec back. It shouldn't hurt this badly, knowing that Alec was finally moving on and that his happy ending was going to happen.

So whilst their separation would provide a happy ending for them both, it also caused an astonishing amount of worry, doubt and gut wrenching pain for Magnus.

And as far as he could tell, it had for Alec too until now.

“It's worth it.” He says quietly to the room and knocks back the remainder of his drink. 

Chairman meow had noted the shadowhunters absence and was sulking. Only ever found asleep on what had been Alec's pillow.

Magnus stood and poured himself another glass but before he could sit back down and return to his self-pitying wallowing, the wards around his home triggered.

He automatically snapped awake, more energised than he'd felt in months. He wanted a fight. Needed it, to ground himself in the familiar rhythm of battle.

Magnus put his glass down quietly and dropped the lights throughout the apartment, his cat eyes allowing him to see well enough.

He brought his hands up into a defensive stance, fingers sparking with blue magic. Slowly, the warlock stepped towards the door leading from his living room into the hallway. 

“Shit! Where the hell are the lights?” A voice snapped angrily from near the front door. A girl.

“Dammit, why couldn't Isabelle come instead.” The voice was closer to Magnus now and muttering rather than talking. 

She sounded familiar but the warlock couldn't place her so he stayed hidden around the corner until his mystery guest would come into view, although the mention of ‘Isabelle’ gave him a rough idea of the intruder's identity. The only Isabelle that Magnus knew, currently, was Alec's sister in which case the girl must be a shadowhunter from the institute and right now he was not in the mood to deal with the Clave.

He was also not looking well enough to, his hair was scraped back messily and his face was adorned with only the thinnest layer of makeup. He was wearing a very unfashionable sweater that may or may not have been Alec's and dark red sweatpants. Definitely not in a position to deal with the Clave.

Finally, after knocking something over and hitting the walls a couple times, the girl rounded the corner into Magnus’s line of sight. From what he could see in the dark she had blonde, straight hair with her fringe plaited to the side and was wearing jeans and a short sleeved, dark green top. As soon as she turned to face Magnus entirely it hit him. Lydia.

He took a silent step back into his living room.  
Lydia. 

The girl Alec left at the altar for him. The girl whose heart he likely broke. The memories hit in waves after that, each like a shock to his system after repressing them for so long. 

Alec walking towards him, grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket and kissing him in front of everyone. Alec and him on their first date. Alec cooking them breakfast in the morning. Alec kissing him goodnight. Alec asleep next to him. Alec reading, snuggled up with Chairman. Alec arguing with him about happy endings.

Alec. Alec. Alec. His Alexander. Not his anymore. Someone else's if he had chosen to move on. 

Magnus couldn't do this right now. He brought the lights back on quickly with a snap of his fingers and stumbled over to the glass he’d left earlier, ignoring the surprised calls from Lydia in the hall. He downed the drink easily, relishing in the alcohol’s burn in his throat but it wasn't enough. Nothing ever was anymore. 

“Magnus! There you are. What the hell happened with the lights?” 

He turned around slowly. Schooling his features and sliding on his nonchalant, professional mask. Lydia was standing in the doorway. In the light he could see the dark circles standing out against her pale skin under her eyes, the scuffed boots and the black belt with a precautionary seraph blade and a stele sticking out from her left boot. There were more runes on her arms than he last remembered but he hadn't been looking hard before so maybe they weren't new.

“Lydia.” He said as a greeting. Ignoring her question. “May I ask why you're breaking into my house at 11:30 at night?” 

There was a cold snip to his voice but he couldn't bring himself to care, not while he's trying to repress the flood of ‘Alec’ that threatened to drown him now as soon as he doubted his decision to give a happy ending to them both.

“Yes. We need your help.” She said, looking at him confidently. At least she wasn't bothering with small talk.

“As always. Jace ran off again? Or Isabelle this time perhaps?” His tone was flat and cold. 

The last thing he wanted to do was help the New York Institute. Lydia winced slightly but carried on anyway, disregarding Magnus’s glare.

“No and no. They're both fine. Max is fine too. It's...Alec.” She looked down now, avoiding his eyes.

Magnus’s hand tightened around his glass and he forced himself to stay in control. To keep breathing regularly.

“Why? What's happened?” He cursed himself at the way his words came out too quick but if Lydia noticed she didn't say anything.

“He's...missing.” 

Magnus’s knuckles turned white and the glass in his hand shattered.


	2. Happy Endings = Closure

“Magnus!” 

Lydia's cry reached deaf ears. Magnus was lost. How could Alec be missing? For how long? Who took him? Was this why there'd been no calls? In which case he'd been missing for an entire week already.

The idea of the Shadowhunter in danger left Magnus with a fire raging in his stomach, threatening to explode with untempered rage. He should have been there to protect Alec, should have kept an eye on him at least. Shouldn't have sent Alec away from his life entirely. 

“Magnus, you're bleeding! Magnus!” 

His vision cleared and he could see Lydia standing in front of him, hand raised as if she were unsure whether her touch would be welcome. She was right, though, his hand was bleeding. Small shards of glass stuck in the skin, it didn't really hurt. Not enough, he deserved more for what he'd done to Alec but at the same time hadn't he done what was best for both of them? Maybe he just deserved this, Alec's disappearance. The Shadowhunter himself didn't deserve it though. That much was sure.

“Are you okay?” She asked in the same voice he had seen her talking to Max, the youngest of the Lightwoods, with. It frustrated him, he was not a child.

Magnus nodded once and breathed out. He waved his hand to heal himself then again to clear up the broken glass on the floor. 

Lydia looked relieved that he was moving again and stepped back. He stayed where he was, fists clenched at his side, eyes focuses on watching her face for any tells

“How long?” Magnus asked, his tone blunt and unfeeling.

“A week.” She said quietly, she looked embarrassed, ashamed for only just telling him.

They should have come to him for help earlier. Surely they knew how much Alec meant to him still. But maybe not; he had been the one to push them apart.

“How?” 

He walked over to his armchair and sat down stiffly, all of his usual flare exhausted. He hadn't spoken to anyone for days, no clients or visits for Catarina and with Ragnor dead who else was there to be concerned for him? No one.

“We're not sure. He hadn't left his room since breakfast that day, Saturday, and Izzy went to check on him around lunchtime but...he wasn't there. He'd had an argument with Maryse that morning but that's the last time anyone saw him.” 

Magnus flinched slightly at the mention of Maryse, he knew how much Alec's arguments with her hurt him and how he used to come straight to Magnus after them just to escape. At least Valentine or some rogue vampire hadn't taken him, he was likely just wandering around. Maybe. 

A week was a long time.

“Why can't you just track him?” Magnus sighed, the anger inside him dissipating and his walls going back up. It was one thing coming to him when Alec was kidnapped but another when he'd left on his own accord. He was still worried but it was ridiculous to go into full blown hysteria every time he left the institute, teenagers run away sometimes. Even shadowhunters.

“We tried. Jace tried but something was blocking it, it could have been Alec himself but we're not sure.” 

Lydia was leaning against the living room doorway now, edging backwards. In case Magnus flipped again, he supposed.

“Of course, he could just be in Faerie or over a body of water. No way of knowing.” He waved his hand dismissively. Playing off his concern.

“So you want me to try and track him?” Magnus looked up at her, eyebrow raised.

“The institute will pay you, don't worry about that. We wouldn't have come to you unless you were our last hope. Please Magnus. Izzy isn't sleeping and Jace won't talk to anyone but Clary and Isabelle. If not for Alec, do it for Clary.” 

Lydia's eyes were pleading, she was fiddling nervously with the hilt of her seraph blade. Magnus could easily imagine what she described. Jace pacing around the institute all silent cold anger. Izzy trying to reassure everyone and staying up all night worrying, Clary biting her nails as she watched her friends unease and worrying herself; her and Alec had bonded immensely during Jace’s absence. Needless to say Simon was likely there as well, trying to comfort Clary.

Magnus didn't want them to look to him for help, to look to him to save the day. It would be too much, going back there after he'd broken their brother’s heart so horribly but the other alternative was worse. Alec never returning or being captured by Valentine and killed. 

No, Magnus would do this only to give the Shadowhunter his happy ending. That's why he broke things off in the first place and if he doesn't help now then what good was it?

“Will you help us? Help him Magnus? He needs you. I know you guys didn't split on good terms and we all know that he calls you constantly but he needs closure, by the looks of it you do too.” 

Lydia was looking at him with pity in her eyes but determination in her face and confidence in her stance. 

“Yes. I'll help you.” He said, looking out the window. 

If closure was what it took for happy endings then closure he could give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please feel free to comment with anything really <3


	3. Empty Institute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus arrives at the Institute to talk with the shadowhunters there.

Lydia left not long after he agreed to help, staying only to give him a time to arrive at the Institute the next day. Magnus was exhausted and went to bed, shifting restlessly all night. Thoughts and memories of Alec playing through his mind. Possibilities of where he could be, who he could be with, what he could be doing.

It was a relief when the sun started peeking through his curtains and he gratefully got up. Maryse and Robert were still at the Institute, they never seemed to get around to leaving after the almost-wedding. Magnus knew he shouldn't try and rile them up anymore than normal but after staying isolated for a few days he felt the desire to apply his favourite makeup. 

Dark and shimmering kohl eyeshadow and eyeliner to go with a dark blue waistcoat embroidered with subtle gold swirls and a black jacket along with black trousers. He debated on whether to wear all his rings but decided to go with just his favourites to match his sparkling gold nails. 

He took his time getting ready, trying to quell the nerves flitting around in his stomach. By the time he deemed himself ready he didn't have enough time for breakfast, not that he felt like eating. Chairman meow watched from the sofa as Magnus filled his food and water bowls with a flick of his hand. 

“Don't wreck anything while I'm gone, okay?” He said at the door. 

All he got was a flick of a tail in response. Good enough. It was a short walk to the Institute but he was already late so he portaled to just outside the door, most likely setting off the alarms inside but no one came to check.

He didn't bother knocking, instead opting for making a dramatic entrance and walking in. He was greeted with very few Shadowhunter in the main control room, no one in the adjoined training room or at the computer desks. 

Izzy was sitting on the steps holding Clary's hand, who was sitting next to her. Both looked tense. Jace was pacing on the walkway behind them.

“Well don't you all look dismal.” Magnus said to get their attention. Turns out his dramatic entrance was quieter than he'd anticipated.

“Magnus.” Clary breathed and stood up, Isabelle followed holding onto her hand tightly. Jace stopped pacing and stood at the top of the steps.

“You came. I wasn't sure you would.” Jace said, looking at him angrily.

“I did inform Lydia that I would help. Where is she? Where is...well...everyone?” Magnus walked up to one of the computer screens and tapped it a couple times, nothing happened. It was odd not to hear the general noise of the Institute’s occupants.

“They were withdrawn to Idris this morning, to deal with Valentine's judgement. We had to stay here ‘cause we're underage, Alec stayed to run the Institute with us.” Izzy said, she gave him a small smile and he offered one in return although he expected it seemed more like a grimace.

Of course Alexander would stay. Defender of mankind, he always lived up to his name.

“Thank you for coming Magnus.” Clary said mimicking Isabelle's smile. “I'm sorry we didn't tell you earlier, we...we just…” She trailed off quietly, looking at the ground.

Magnus noted how Izzy seemed to lean against the shorter girl and the grateful look she received. Jace, who hadn't stopped glaring at Magnus, finally made his way forwards. Past the girls until he was only a few strides in front of the warlock.

“We thought he might have gone to see you and that he would come back.” 

“Sorry to be the barer of bad news but no I have not been keeping Alec hostage in my loft.” 

Jace flinched at Magnus’s angry tone. Izzy broke away from Clary and put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder, holding him back. Clary stayed where she was and sent Magnus a sympathetic look.

“Look I'm here to help find him, just tell me what to do so I can go home. Okay?” Magnus said, directing his question at Isabelle who was more reasonable than Jace, who simply shot him another look before storming back over to Clary.

“Okay. Just...stay here a minute.” Izzy said before walking over to the other shadowhunters.   
Leaving Magnus to stand, somewhat awkwardly, alone in the middle of the room. 

The girls were whispering quietly while Jace just watched Magnus over the tops of their heads. They went quiet for a moment and Isabelle turned to see what the blonde was looking at, seeing it was Magnus she turned back around and slapped Jace on the back of the head.

“Ow! What was that for?” Jace cried loud enough for Magnus to hear.

The warlock chuckled until he realised that whilst they were standing here talking and joking, Alec was somewhere else, possibly hurt or in danger. The idea of Alec in pain sent a sharp stab through Magnus’s heart.

“Nephilim, always so slow. You do realise that time is of the essence in this situation?” He called to them, lounging against one of the desks.

Jace scowled and walked up the steps and around the corner with Clary, both of them silent, whilst Izzy walked in the opposite direction towards Magnus.

“Where have the rest of your merry little trio wandered off to?” Magnus asked, smiling tightly, trying not to let his anxiety show. They could be running out of time and there was nothing he could do at the moment. 

“They've gone to get something from Alec’s room for you to try and track him with. Thank you for coming Magnus, I know it must be difficult.” Izzy sat in a chair, facing him.

She looked at him apologetically then glanced at the floor. It was strange to see Isabelle without her normal flashy confidence, this was a new side of the Shadowhunter Magnus hadn't seen before. This was a vulnerable side, worried and faltering, lost without the constant reassurance and direction her brother selflessly gave her.

At that moment, Magnus wanted to explain everything to her. Why he broke up with her brother. Why he was here. Why Alec's happy ending was everything to him. But he couldn't. He deserved the glares from Jace and the disappointment from Isabelle, which hurt more than her possible anger.

“It's okay, I'd do it for any of you. I owe it to Biscuit, for the whole memory thing.” He said instead, looking away from Isabelle's gaze but not before he saw the shadowhunter’s posture relax minutely at the mention of the other girl.

“Yeah…” She said quietly, looking behind her to where Clary and Jace had gone out of sight earlier.

Magnus raised his eyebrow. He recognised that look, it was the same one he'd caught Alec looking at him with before...before everything happened. Likely one he'd also looked at Alexander with too.

“Something going on with you and Biscuit?” He asked.

She turned back to face him, shoulders tense and defensive but she relaxed when she saw his teasing smile. She smiled back easily. 

“Ha...yeah. She's great. We're great. Well, not really. But we're coping. We’ll find him and bring him home and it will be fine. Back to normal.” She wasn't as convincing as she wanted to be by the looks of it.

Magnus nodded, his smile dropping. They sat in silence, waiting for the other two shadowhunters to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys!  
> Let me know thoughts and feelings so far and predictions if you have any


	4. Tracking and Arguing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus tracks Alec.

The silence between Magnus and Izzy seemed to stretch on for hours, even though in reality it had been less than five minutes. The two of them weren’t used to not talking. They’d bonded massively when Alec and Magnus had been dating but it was as though a wall had been put up between them, more the warlock’s doing than the shadowhunter’s.

“Look, I may not understand why you and Alec broke up but I do know that it’s been...messy, on his side at least. I refuse to believe you've just been fine as well by the way. I just want to know why you did it. You were both so happy and he deserves to have closure.”   
Isabelle said at last; she sat up straighter, her natural Lightwood determination shining through the worry.

Magnus curled in on himself slightly. He felt awful about what he’d done and he worried that if he explained his ‘happy endings’ motive that she would try and change his mind. If he was honest, he was afraid that she would change his mind, easily.

“I’m no good for him and he’s no good for me. The only way it could ever end between us is in heartbreak and pain. It’s better if it ends now when we’re less attached to each other, lessen the grief and all that.”

Magnus waved his hand dismissively; he was doing that a lot lately, like a nervous tick.

“Well, you’re wrong. He hasn’t slept properly since you broke up and that was three months ago. Three months! He hardly eats and he’s always training and now he’s missing.”

Isabelle wasn't shouting but she was closer, her tone was harsh and she'd clearly been thinking about what to say.

Magnus’s hands curled into fists at the reminder of what he'd caused, he'd let his emotions get the better of him and it had gotten out of hand; he opened his mouth to speak but Izzy cut him off, anger radiating out from her in waves.

“And you know what? It isn't just him that’s suffering. Clary’s lost you too, you were like the uncle or big brother she never had . I've lost my only friend outside of my family too. We trusted you. We defended you against my parents time and time again and you do this. I couldn’t contact you because that would have been unfair to Alec and neither of us would do that to him. He’s my brother and you promised not to hurt him yet you have!”

Her face was contorted with anger but Magnus was angry too.

“Do you think it has been easy for me? To know that I’ve gone back on my word and caused all this? That it’s been easy to cut myself away from him when his happiness is mine? It’s not, but it’s the only way he can have a happy life. A happy ending. One day you will see that but I see it now and I have no choice because I want him to have a happy ending, I need him to have one.”

His voice was ice cold and quiet, the type of angry that was like the eye of the storm. Misleadingly calm but eerie at the same time. Controlled chaos.

“What good is a happy ending if he spends his life missing you? If he spends his life depressed and stuck behind his walls?” 

Izzy was yelling now, standing up in front of Magnus; if he listened closely he could hear running footsteps coming down the corridors.

“What good is a happy ending? It’s everything! If we were still together he would hate himself when he grew older and aged and I did not. I refuse to talk about this anymore Isabelle, what’s done is done and I’m here to find him then leave for good.”

Izzy stopped there. Magnus had never raised his voice around her before, let alone at her and it had obviously shocked her. 

He'd always felt that the young Nephilim often forgot that he was the High Warlock of Brooklyn and that he'd been alive for centuries, it was showing now though and his anger was a stark reminder.

He turned away from her and walked towards one of the stained glass windows, fists clenching and unclenching. He was sorry that he’d made her choose between him, her friend, and her brother but he had known she would choose Alec and that had been his plan. They needed to stay together and Magnus needed to cut all, other than professional, ties with them. 

“Izzy, breathe, it's okay. Just take a deep breath, getting angry now won't help us find him, Iz. Look at me, it's Clary. Focus on my voice, forget about the rest.” 

Clary and Jace had returned.

He could hear Jace walking up to him before he saw him, still refusing to turn around. It was childish but he couldn't bring himself to care.

“What the hell was that?” Jace asked as soon as he was in front of the warlock.

“I simply explained my reasonings and she proceeded to argue with me about my own choices. Now give me whatever it is you found, if you want to know my exact words I'm sure Isabelle will gladly tell you later.” Magnus snapped. 

Jace just glowered and shoved a piece of paper at Magnus. 

“Find him and go. He doesn't want you rescuing him.” Jace stood back a step to give Magnus space to do the spell.

The warlock looked down at what was in his hand. It was a sketch of them all, signed by Clary at the bottom.

Alec was stood in the middle with his arm around Isabelle's shoulders to his left, Jace was standing a bit behind the siblings but still prominent in the image, his hand on Alec's left shoulder. Magnus was on Alec’s right side, their shoulders touching and their hands intertwined.

He felt the knot of conflicted feelings in his stomach twist and pull more than it had done these past few hours. Magnus carefully folded the sketch in half and half again along the already made fold lines and held it in between his hands, he closed his eyes and focused on the spell.

There was very little to it, he just needed to focus on who he wanted to find. Their face and personality, how they thought and what they meant to him. It was painful, dredging up the minuscule details of Alec that he'd memorised, and buried, so painstakingly and he let out a breath loudly when the location came to him. Quickly blanking his mind and focusing back on his surroundings.

When he opened his eyes Jace wasn't in front of him anymore, instead he was with the girls behind Magnus. He took another deep breath and slid the picture into his jacket pocket, a keepsake for when centuries had gone by and all that were left were vague, bittersweet memories. If Alec missed its presence then Jace would likely piece together where it had gone and come to retrieve it.

He swung around. His voice light as he spoke.

“He's at the docks, the one Valentine was found at. I assume you know what to do and my work here is done. Don't contact me again unless the world is ending. Goodbye Nephilim.” 

“Thank you Magnus.” Clary said gratefully.

Isabelle nodded before walking away with Clary, likely going to notify Lydia of where they were going.

Magnus was surprised to see that Jace wasn't scowling at him, rather he seemed to be in immense discomfort. Deciding to ignore it, he walked towards the door. He couldn't wait to be out of the Institute and all the memories it held. 

“Wait.” 

Magnus stopped walking but stayed with his hand outstretched to take the door handle.

“I will be finding out from Izzy what you said but I want you to know that you're not fooling anyone. You're just as torn up about Alec being missing as us and we know that whatever he did for you to split wasn't just one-sided. I'm not asking you to give him another chance, but well...I am. Think about it.” 

Magnus let what he'd said sink in for a few seconds before nodding and walking out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, if you have any questions or feel I've missed explaining something then please, PLEASE tell me.   
> I get caught up sometimes and forget what is still in my head and what you guys know.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Any comments are welcome! <3


	5. Hotel Visits and Pep Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael and Magnus have a little chat

"He ruined another jacket yesterday. That's five this month. Five. He's hopeless."

Magnus nodded, not really paying attention to what Raphael was saying. Something about Sheldon and suits.

"Magnus. If you are going to sit and mope then I will personally kick you out of my hotel."

Raphael was standing behind his small bar, concocting a drink that looked to be 80% blood and 20% alcohol. Magnus was situated on one of the bar stools in front of him with a bright, purple cocktail in his hand. He had changed since his visit to the Institute less than an hour ago. Instead of his suit he was wearing his red-burgundy top and a pair of black skinny jeans; he'd left his makeup the same but had removed all of his jewelry. 

"Dios, Magnus. You're worse than Simon." Raphael rolled his eyes and moved around the bar to sit on one of the stools next to the warlock.

"Sorry. I'm just distracted. You were saying something about Samantha and suits." 

Magnus looked up from his drink to be met with the vampire's disapproving scowl.

"I cannot believe I'm going to ask this. What happened with the Lightwood?"

The warlock focused back on the light reflecting in his drink, swirling the small, silver specks of glitter in the liquid with one of his perfectly manicured nail. He hadn't told any of his friends about his relationship with, or lack thereof, the shadowhunter. He assumed Raphael found out from his boyfriend and Cat from downworld gossip. 

To be completley honest, he hadn't talked to Catarina or Raphael since before Ragnor's death. It had all been so sudden and rushed; his oldest friend's death, the crashed wedding, his first date with Alec and the three blissful months that followed. Now it was like he had crashed back to earth from cloud 9 and time dragged by at his heels.

It wasn't that he hadn't had time to call them, it had been the overwhelming chasm of loss that had been created in him. Pulling everything that made him feel alive away into the void. He hadn't wanted to talk about it and he still didn't. However, before Magnus could answer another voice sounded from elsewhere in the building.

"Raphael! I've gotta go! Clary needs me to go with them to the docks to try and find Alec. Magnus tracked him there this morning..."

Simon's head and shoulders appeared in the doorway. 

"Oh, hey Magnus." He gave a little wave and the warlock nodded at him before turning back around.

"Anyway, yeah. I'll be careful. They're picking me up in the van so I wont get burnt or anything." Simon carried on, talking to Raphael now.

"I see. If you shoot yourself again don't wait for me to come and find you again." The older vampire said. Simon laughed.

"Right, see you later Raph. Bye Magnus." 

Magnus listened to the fledglings retreating footsteps. It wasn't until the sound has vanished that he could feel Raphael's gaze digging into the side of his head.

"How long?" He asked, Magnus scrunched his eyes shut. 

"A week." He said quietly.

"A week. He's been gone for an entire week and you never thought to contact me for help in searching for him? Never thought that I could help? I may not enjoy the nephilim's company but, dios Magnus! I would have helped! You know I owe you! You could have called me up on that if you didn't want pity help."

Magnus put his hands over his face, pushing the heels of his palms into his forehead. Raphael was right. He should be looking for Alec but the only thing he could focus on was Jace's words bouncing around in his skull. 

'He doesn't want you to rescue him.'

"That's because I'm not looking" He said, his whisper almost silent.

"What?" 

"I'm not looking for him! I left him. 3 months ago." Magnus looked up at Raphael, his eyes cold and bitter. His usual glamour had dropped minutes ago.

"Why?" 

"Because. He deserves someone who he can have a happy ending with." 

"Sometimes you are too selfless for your own good. We don't get happy endings, Magnus, because we are immortal. Whether we like or not. But Nephilim don't get them either, they die young and it's a part of who they are, just like its a part of who we are. Take a risk, don't focus on what could be, live in the now and all that shit." 

Magnus was surprised to say the least. Never, in all of his time knowing the vampire, had he pegged him as a romantic let alone expected him to care about Magnus's happiness. Simon was making him go soft. 

"Don't look at me like that warlock. I may not have a huge list of lovers like you but I do know what it is to be in love." 

"Sheldon's turning you into a romantic isn't he?" Magnus joked, giving Raphael a small smile.

"He's special, yes. That's not the point. You should be out looking for him, both of you need each other and by letting him go you are erasing any last chance of true happiness in both of your lives. Go and portal to the docks. You'll get there before the Nephilim that way." 

Raphael was looking at his drink as he talked. Magnus knew there was some truth in what his friend had said, he should at least go to the docks and decide how he feels on the way or when he got there. Give himself a fresh perspective and a chance to figure it out in his head.

"Thank you Raphael. Always a pleasure." Magnus said, choosing not to say goodbye as it was less awkward. They both hated them.

"Oh, call Catarina. She's been calling me non-stop and it's driving me insane." The vampire called over his shoulder.

Magnus was already halfway down the corridor though and was out of earshot before he could think to reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3  
> All comments welcome! I'll try and answer all questions! Let me know where you want this to go as well. I'm going away until Monday so the earliest you'll get a new chapter is Tuesday. This ones a bit short as well, so doubly sorry.


	6. Backstory at the Docks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus goes ahead to the docks to look for Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know 'portalled' isn't a proper word but just hang in there with me, I have no other word for it. Suggestions welcome.

Magnus decided to portal from inside the Hotel Dumort to just a block away from the docks he'd tracked Alec to; it was a short walk through a pretty much deserted area, there was a huddle of blankets in a street corner behind him that may or may not have been a homeless person but that was all. If Isabelle and the others were already at the docks then he didn't want to catch them off-guard portalling in out of nowhere and end up with a seraph blade in his gut.

It also gave him a small amount of time to consider his motives and decision; whether or not he could keep his resolve.

He told himself that the only reason he was even doing this was to make sure Alec was safe. If he wasn't safe then all Magnus had done was for naught. It was most definitely not because he felt he owed the Shadowhunters or that a tiny part of him still hoped that he and Alec could go back in time to before it had all gone to shit.

It was ridiculously quiet when he got there, not a soul in sight. A sharp wind was being carried off the choppy waves, carrying stray papers and rubbish along the ground. They stuttered along the concrete floor until they hit one of the cargo containers that were dotted around in different phases of rust and decay and a sharp ting would ring out. 

If Magnus looked hard enough he could just about make out a tiny ship out on the water outlined against the dreary steel sky.

There was no sign of the shadowhunters so he assumed they hadn't gotten there yet however there was also no sign of where Alec could be being kept, the place was barren. The most obvious place was in one of the containers so Magnus used his magic to heave open the doors of the cleanest ones that could have been used most recently. Nothing. 

As he walked from row to row he spotted a few familiar areas that he recognised from Alec’s description of the place. The Lightwoods, Frays or Fairchilds (whichever they went by now), Simon and Luke had recruited the New York vampires under Raphael’s control and the rest of Luke’s pack to help attack Valentine’s floating fortress two months ago.  


They'd gone under the cover of night and the downworlder's had worked together as well as they were expected to, much like when they rescued Meliorn from the Clave. This time, they were saving Jace instead. 

Magnus had tried to go but Alec had pleaded with him not to. That had been their one and only argument; it had ended with Magnus agreeing to stay back at the Institute where he would enchant all of Alec’s weapons and kit as well as casting numerous spells of protection, defence and repair on the boy himself. 

He cast a few on Isabelle and Clary as well but they refused to take more and insisted on using runes instead, Alec had known better than to argue with the warlock any more.

It wasn’t just Alec’s request that caused Magnus to avoid the front line though, the Clave had been looking for a reason to make their relationship illegal so if Alec had gotten hurt trying to protect Magnus then they’d have what they wanted. 

They would've spun it so that it would’ve seemed as if Alec’s ability as a loyal, perfect shadowhunter soldier had been hindered by his desire to protect a warlock, a downworlder, who couldn’t protect himself.

It hadn’t been worth it. So instead Magnus had stayed and created a portal for them to come back through as soon as they’d retrieved Jace. The plan had gone off with only a few hitches and Magnus had helped Alec write the mission report the day after. Distracting him more than helping though, Alec had said afterwards.

Magnus thought back to any place in particular that Alec had described in detail in the report. 

He checked where they’d portalled to, where they’d portalled back from, where Clary had found Jace and even where the Clave had taken down Valentine when they’d finally arrived in the midst of the battle. Nothing.

Magnus had been searching for around half an hour and he was close to giving up and going home. Alec wasn’t there and the other shadowhunters, plus Simon, would be here soon and he didn't want to explain to them his conversation with Raphael.

He was walking along the front of the wharf, his hand was trailing along the side of a rusted, red container when he felt it. 

The metal vibrated very slightly under his fingertips. He probably wouldn’t have noticed it under normal circumstances but he hadn’t been expecting it so the suddenness made him jump a little.

He stopped moving immediately and pressed his palm against the cold metal, watching and waiting. After about what Magnus assumed to be half a minute he felt it again. A subtle shake, this time he heard a muffled clank from inside.

He waited again, it could have just been a couple of pieces of litter and he wanted to be sure he wasn’t just imagining it. 

‘Thump’. It wasn’t litter.

'Thump'. Couldn’t be, it was too consistent. It followed a pattern, like breathing. Inhale, exhale. inhale, exhale.

Hit, pause, hit, pause.

Magnus took a small step back and looked at his hand, now slightly colder than the rest of him and imprinted with the lines of the container. 

What if he was just imagining this? Wishful thinking, a product of his desire to find Alec and ensure his safety. But then again, what if it was Alec? He couldn’t leave him here. It was true that he probably didn’t want to be rescued by Magnus, not after what he'd done but his safety was far more important than who was bringing him home.

In the end he didn’t have a lot of choice or time to waste. Magnus walked briskly to the doors of the container, there were two locks on the doors. One far above him and one at his feet. 

He focused on the hum of magic inside of him, the feeling of it moving through his arms and into the tips of his fingers. His small but intricate movements building up a sphere of electric blue sparks until he spread his arms out dramatically to his sides in one move, the magic flying forwards and wrenching the metal locks apart. The doors swung open and crashed noisily against the inside of the container.

Magnus didn’t even flinch, well acquainted to the ferocity his magic took on when he was fuelled with emotion. He lowered his arms to his sides and stood in the doorway, peering inside for the source of the quiet noises. The dull sunlight cast pitiful lighting into the darkness through the gaping doorway.

It was completely empty except for a hunched shape in the far right corner. He took a step over the threshold slowly, not wanting to startle whatever it was if it was alive. Magnus heard it breathe in and then out slowly but it didn't seem to notice the warlock. He took another two steps forward and conjured a small floating orb of light that he had hover just in front of him at all times. With it he could see a lot clearer.

It was definitely a person, a boy by the looks of the body shape. He was curled up in a fetal position with one of his arms outstretched and his hand clenched into a fist against the side of the container. Magnus's breath caught in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments of any kind are welcome!  
> I only have moderation on so I remember to reply to every one of you!
> 
> I will take prompts for one-shots as well and will try my best to write them!  
> My twitter is @EllieMiff25 message me any prompts! <3


	7. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang arrives at the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I need your opinion! I'm thinking instead of having it as Clary and Isabelle (Clizzy), I could make it Clary/Izzy/Lydia in a polyamorous relationship?   
> I just think it would be cute and I'd love to try and write it.
> 
> Let me know what you think!!!

The boy was young, he was dressed all in black clothes that were torn and stained with dark red and what looked like ichor. His hair was a deep black, messy and tangled and it fell over his closed eyes that were set in his extremely pale face. His head was resting on his other arm on the dusty floor.

Magnus stood, watching in silent horror while the boy lifted his blood covered fist as he inhaled then let it drop with a sickening thud against the metal container floor. 

The recognition was instant and it made Magnus want to be sick and cry at the same time, he had caused this. He had let this happen.

“Alec…” The warlock whispered, the boy didn’t move.

Inhale, thud.

Magnus’s refusal to see what was right in front of him warred with his memory of the shadowhunter he'd left. He didn’t want to acknowledge that this was the boy he’d given his heart to until there was undeniable proof. For all he knew it could just be someone who looked a lot like Alec. A hell of a lot like him. 

Inhale, thud.

“Alec.” He said, his voice stronger but still too quiet. 

Inhale, thud.

Magnus took the last step forward on swaying legs. He had let this happen, he hadn’t been there to protect him like he had promised. This was his fault.

Inhale, thud.

He dropped to his knees, ignoring the sharp flash of pain. His orb of light stayed at head height and flickered, sputtering in and out and changing through shades of reds and blue. Magnus reached his arm out and hovered his hand over the boy’s arm, unsure whether it was wise to touch him. It could startle him and magic would do even worse if he interrupted any spell Magnus could try and cast.

Inhale, thud.

“Alexander, darling. Look at me, please.” He begged.

The boy’s fist dropped again. No response.

He raised his fist to do it again but Magnus grabbed it from underneath and held it in place before it could drop, it was sickeningly slick and scabbed with dried and fresh blood in his palm.

“Alexander. Stop.”

At last the boy’s eyes opened, his gaze unfocused, looking at the light coming in through the open doors.

Magnus felt tears prick behind his own eyes as he felt all the pain, remorse, regret and stress hit him. There was a roaring like a waterfall in his ears and he felt light headed. Everything seemed too bright to him and each pulse of the light above caused a fresh stab of pain in his eyes.

The boy’s eyes were a painfully familiar shade of blue. It was him, there was no denying it now. He would recognise those eyes anywhere. The light above them turned a mix of darkest navy blue and fiery red, swirling together. Anger and sadness, pain and helplessness intertwined.

“No...you’re not...here.” Alec’s voice was scratchy and low; he clearly hadn’t had any water in days, food as well by the way his clothes hung off him.

Alec’s fist tightened into itself in Magnus’s grasp.

“Alexander, baby it’s me. I’m here, look at me darling.” Magnus ignored the way his own voice cracked and the tears making their way down his cheeks. 

“He wouldn’t...come. He’s...not here. Leave. Me. Alone.” 

Alec’s own face was lined with tear tracks now. Magnus wanted to curl himself around the shadowhunter, protect him from whoever did this. Kiss away his tears and stroke his hair to reassure them both they were together and okay. Take him home where he would be away from it all, bring him anything he wanted and block away the rest of the wall. 

He didn’t, he’d lost that privilege.

“I have though, I’m here. Look at me Alexander, I’m here. Please, oh God. Look at me baby, You’re not alone.” 

Alec squeezed his eyes shut and curled further into himself, pulling his hand out of Magnus’s and shielding it against his chest. 

“No! He doesn’t care! Go away! Leave me alone.” Alec was shouting now, as best he could.

Magnus flinched when he started getting louder, drowning out anything Magnus could possibly say.

“He doesn’t care. You’re not real!” 

Magnus hovered his hands over the shadowhunter, he couldn’t get his magic to cooperate. The orb was flashing harshly, out of his control; in fact, it seemed to be responding to Alec more than Magnus. Every time the boy shouted it would get brighter.

The warlock didn’t know what to do. Alec thought he wasn’t real and he found that that hurt far more than anything he’d imagined. 

Magnus laid his hand on top of Alec’s head gently only to be kicked back by the boy. His boots connecting with his ribs painfully, sending him sprawling backwards.

“Alexander. Please. Listen to my voice, it’s me.” Magnus sat up through the ache in his sides, he couldn’t stop staring at Alec, willing him through sheer force of will to open his eyes, to trust in what the warlock was saying. He didn’t.

“Leave me alone! You aren’t real! It’s not your voice!” This was the loudest cry yet and it echoed within the container, torturing Magnus. Pulling at his heart.

“Alec!”

“By the Angel, Magnus?”

“What the hell?” 

Magnus felt a pair of hands pulling him away from Alec who was still shouting hoarsely. 

Jace pushed past him to get to the shadowhunter and Clary appeared in front of him, hands on his shoulders. She was blocking his view of Alec and Jace, intentionally trying to get him to focus and talk to her. 

Isabelle came in and crouched next to Jace, Clary sighed and left Magnus to go and put her arms around her girlfriend. Magnus could see him again and he couldn’t see a way to fix what he had done.

They had managed to get Alec to quieten down and now there was just the occasional sniffle and whimper. Isabelle moved over to Magnus.

“What happened? Magnus, what did you do?” 

Clary stood next to the blonde shadowhunter, stabilising him as he picked up Alec. Arms under his legs and arms. Magnus should be doing that, Magnus should be the one helping Alec and whispering reassurances. What had he done?

“Just bring him with us Iz. He’s in shock or something.” Clary said from in front of him. 

Magnus stood up as soon as Alec was up, eyes never moving away from him. His shouts from earlier were still rocketing around in his head as if his own brain was made of metal. He followed out next to Isabelle, Jace was in front with Alec’s head on his shoulder and Clary brought up the back. 

It was sunnier outside now, the wind had cleared away most of the clouds and had calmed a bit itself.

Magnus could see Simon in his glaring yellow van a little while away, behind the blacked out windows. Clary jogged ahead of them all and opened the side door of the van where Izzy climbed in first then Jace laid Alec down, his head on Isabelle’s lap. The blonde then got in and sat behind Alec with his back against the wall. Magnus got in last facing Jace with his own back against the opposite side. Clary closed the door and climbed into the front with Simon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading  
> Comments always welcome.  
> My twitter is @EllieMiff25 if you want to message about prompts or beta-ing any of my works <3


	8. The Long Ride Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woah! What's this you say? A third update today?  
> Yeah. It is. You're welcome. 
> 
> Magnus thinks a lot and Alec finally falls asleep for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. Please answer my question in the end notes. Very important, I want to take your opinions into account with this. Thank you <3

“Where to?” Simon asked.

“The Institute.” Was the reply from Clary. 

“No.” Jace called from the back. “They don’t know he’s been found and we don’t know how he’ll cope with the Clave interrogating him yet.” 

“I thought Lydia already knew?” Magnus spoke up for the first time. 

Isabelle and Jace looked at him, the blonde had his eyebrow raised while Isabelle just nodded.

“Yeah, she does but she promised not to tell until we gave her the signal.” Izzy answered when it was clear Jace was ignoring Magnus.

“Where are we going then?” Came Simon’s voice again.

“We can use my loft. It’s empty and quiet.” Magnus supplied.

“Okay.” Simon agreed when no objected. 

The van started up.

\-----

Magnus sat with his legs tucked under him. 

Alec was laid out in front of him on the floor. Jace was sitting with his head thrown back against the side of moving van, he had one of his hands on top of Alec’s lightly. Isabelle was sitting cross-legged with Alec’s head in her lap. 

His eyes were closed and the shouting had stopped a while back although Magnus was beginning to think that he preferred the noise over this horrible silence. 

Alec looked as if he could be asleep but Magnus had seen him relaxed and sleeping many times and this was not it. His body was too tensed up for him to be resting and he kept shifting as if he were uncomfortable, always moving away from the warlock as if the boy could sense him there. Magnus who wasn't real. Magnus who didn't care.

Izzy was running her fingers through his matted hair, smoothing it out slowly. She would start whispering to him about anything and everything when he flinched at a road bump or when Simon took a sharp corner; Magnus’s heart contracted every time he whimpered or flinched at a loud noise or fast movement.

Clary and Simon were muttering to each other in the front, gradually getting louder until Jace told them to shut up.

Eventually Alec fell asleep whilst they were stuck in a traffic jam. Magnus was infinitely glad when he did, Jace was looking exhausted as well but would snap upright every time he caught himself being pulled into slumber.

“I think we’re going to be sitting here for awhile guys.” Clary called back to them, interrupting the terse silence.

“Jace, get some sleep. We’re gonna be here for ages. He’s safe now, I’ll stay up and watch him.”  
Izzy looked up to talk to her adopted brother.

Jace didn’t answer, he simply nodded and tipped his head back whilst closing his eyes.

Neither of them had even spared a glance at Magnus since they agreed to use his loft as base. That was fine with him, it had given him time to assess Alec’s condition.

The shadowhunter was in ripped and torn gear but he couldn't see any major wounds on the skin that was exposed. He would definitely need a bath or shower to wash away the dirt and dried blood that Magnus hoped wasn’t Alec’s own. Even asleep he still seemed slightly tensed.

“Magnus.” 

The warlock looked up to meet Isabelle’s eyes, focused and tired but no longer angry or condemning.

“What happened before we got there?” Her voice was a lot kinder than earlier, and her expression was open. He could see that she was just as exhausted as her siblings.

Magnus recounted his visit to the Hotel Dumort, leaving out the parts including Raphael and Simon’s relationship. Simon hadn’t told the others yet according to Raphael and Magnus wasn’t going to out him. He told her about his search of the docks and how he’d found Alec. 

Izzy’s face fell and she sent him an apologetic smile when he told her about the shouting. 

When he’d finished the van went silent as they both watched Alec sleep.

“I’m sorry I was harsh with you Magnus.” Clary said from the front.

“It’s alright Biscuit.” Magnus replied.

“He’s been having nightmares.” Isabelle said quietly. “Not that he’s been sleeping a lot but when he has slept he’s been having nightmares. I’ve heard him calling out for you before. The worst are the screams, Jace always goes in then to wake him up. I think that’s why he stopped sleeping.”

Magnus hid his face in his hands, trying to push back the guilt and regret. It didn't work.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault, I let it go on too long. I got caught up in what I felt and didn’t think rationally about what it would do to him until it was too late.”

“It’s not your because you followed your heart Magnus. It’s your fault because you broke his. You may think it’s better in the long-run but the long-run is created and shaped by now. He won’t heal from this, not properly.”

Magnus lowered his hands and looked at Alec’s sleeping face. She was wrong, he would heal and he would live a happy life without him.

“Guys, we’re here. You go on inside and I’ll take the van back to the Dumort. It’s way too light out for me to come with you.” Simon called, preventing Magnus from answering.

“Okay. Thanks Simon.” Isabelle said.

She reached over to poke Jace who woke up quickly and looked at Magnus's slouched form before looking down at his brother.

“You all get out and I’ll carry him.” He said, tone indicating he wasn't going to have his mind changed.

Izzy gently lifted Alec’s head off her lap without waking him up as Clary opened the back doors of the van. Magnus climbed out first. 

“Go up ahead, Magnus. We’ll bring him up.” Clary said to him and so the warlock walked up to the door and magicked it open.

He then started the short climb up the stairs and turned the key in the lock. 

Once there he wasn’t sure what to do. He left the doors open for the others and started making himself a drink but stopped as he realised what he’d made.

In one glass he’d poured himself a glass of his favourite scotch whilst on autopilot he’d also mixed the same light blue cocktail he made for Alec whenever he used to some over for a drink date. The same one he’d made for him the first time he stayed over after they’d healed Luke.

“Just put him on the sofa.” 

Magnus was pulled out of his reverie by Isabelle’s voice. Jace carried Alec to the couch and set him down carefully, arranging the cushions under his head so he was facing sideways towards the rest of the lounge. Magnus behind him, out of his line of sight.

Isabelle headed in the direction of the kitchen while Clary came in and sat on the coffee table. Magnus left the drinks where they were, pushing them to the back of his mind, and sat on the back of the sofa looking down at the shadowhunter who blinked his eyes open slowly. 

“Alec.” 

Jace crouched in front of Alec’s head, eyes searching for any signs of discomfort and when none were found he rocked back onto his heels and regarded the older boy with what Magnus could only call a look of brotherly love. 

The pair reminded him of William Herondale and James Carstairs. It was the same look Will would gaze at Jem with when he was extremely ill.

Alec’s eyes opened fully, ocean blue no longer clouded over and unfocused, he looked at Jace warily. Not noticing Magnus hovering above and behind him.

“It’s me, Alec. It’s Jace, your parabatai. You’re safe now.” 

Clary waved from her perch on the corner of the table and sent the shadowhunter a reassuring smile. With this Alec seemed to decide to believe the blonde and his eyes moved from his face and Clary's to the rest of the room.

“Why are we here?” His voice was worse than before, gravelly and it even sounded sore to hear, Magnus could only imagine how much it must be hurting him to speak.

Luckily, Isabelle returned at that moment with a glass of water for him. She walked past Magnus on her way around and handed Alec the glass.

He took it carefully and started sipping at it tentatively. In the light Magnus and the others could see the damage he had caused hitting the container. Clary visibly flinched when she spotted the injuries while Isabelle just looked away and Jace frowned slightly before schooling his features again.

“We had nowhere else to go that was safe for you so Magnus offered to shelter us.” Izzy answered, sitting next the redhead on the table, shoulders touching.

Alec’s knuckles turned white against the glass quickly then relaxed almost immediately as if it had never happened.

“Is he here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need you guys to vote in the comments. Do you guys want Clizzy (Clary/Izzy) or Clary/Lydia/Izzy (don't know the ship name)?
> 
> Comment either one and I'll count them up and go with the highest one for the chapter Lydia comes back in.
> 
> As normal, thanks for reading! <3  
> Any and all comments welcome, I respond to all as best I can!


	9. And Time Stood Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter than the others today as it's the last for now. 
> 
> Alec and Magnus have a short chat.

Jace’s eyes flickered up to the warlock but didn’t let the answer show in his expression. Isabelle looked down and intertwined her fingers with Clary’s. Magnus didn’t dare move or speak.

“Is he?” Alec’s voice sounded pained still and he started struggling, trying to sit up against the cushions. 

Jace took the glass from his hand and set it on the table.

Magnus’s hand shot out and pressed down lightly on Alec’s shoulder, keeping him lying down. The boy froze under his touch and turned onto his back with the warlocks hand on his shoulder still. 

All of a sudden it was like time had stopped and it was just them in their own little bubble. 

Sky blue eyes met golden-green cat eyes. Alec’s gaze flickered down to the hand on his shoulder then flicked back up to Magnus’s face. The warlock, in turn, couldn’t move his own gaze from Alec’s face, he was transfixed, fascinated; studying it for any of the tells he had learnt to spot. 

Alec’s eyes were wider than normal and he was biting his bottom lip slightly, he wasn’t angry at the warlock at the moment at least. Surprised and confused maybe, conflicted.

“I’m here.” Magnus whispered. 

Alec closed his eyes when he spoke and he relaxed under Magnus’s touch. 

For the first time since he’d found him, Alec looked truly peaceful. 

“Magnus…” He sighed.

The shadowhunter moved his own hand to cover the warlocks. They hadn’t touched in months and they should have been out of practice, fumbling with how to intertwine their fingers but they weren’t. It was as if they had always been next to each other. Magnus let the younger boy slide their fingers together.

“Alexander.” Magnus whispered, savouring the way the shadowhunter’s name sounded to his ears. 

It was like hearing for the first time after being locked in a silent room for days, starved of any sound.

Magnus offered a small smile down at Alec, indulging in the skin-to-skin contact. The shadowhunter was still weak and whilst he looked ten times better than when Magnus had found him he was unlikely to remember this. If he did he was likely to assume it had been a dream anyway. 

Therefore, Magnus could take this physical reassurance of their safety without worrying about any consequences. Mostly...he hoped.

Alec smiled dreamily back at him.

“I’m so tired.” He said quietly, still looking at the warlock.

“I know darling, but we need to know if you’re hurt anywhere first.” Magnus replied at the same volume.

“I’m okay, nothing hurts anymore.” Magnus tried not to think about the ‘anymore’.

“Okay, do you want someone to carry you to the spare bedroom? It’s probably more comfortable than here.”

“No, I’ll just stay here…” 

Alec closed his eyes and dropped off immediately, his grip on Magnus’s hand going slightly lax.

“You can stay in the spare bedrooms if you want. There’s enough if Clary and Isabelle bunk up together. Down the hall. The two doors on the left. Bathrooms at the end on the right.” Magnus was careful not to talk too loudly. 

It was still morning, around 11:30-ish now but by the looks of it the shadowhunters hadn’t slept for a week and they were all starting to relax now Alec was back. 

Clary nodded and the others stayed silent, Izzy’s head had dropped onto the red heads shoulder and it looked as if Clary was taking most of her weight.

Jace stood up and moved to the armchair situated nearest Alec and stretched his legs, propping his feet up on the coffee table. They all sat watching Alec sleep, lost in their own thoughts.

Eventually Clary stood, pulling Isabelle up with her and they trudged down the corridor out of sight. Magnus looked up to see that Jace had fallen asleep in the chair. The warlock still hadn’t moved his hand from Alec’s and was reluctant to. 

As soon as he did he knew they would revert back to where they’d been for the past few months. Separate lives, a wall between them built entirely by Magnus in order to save Alec. Although that didn’t seem to be working. 

The shadowhunter's eyelids were fluttering and his fingers would clench onto Magnus’s own occasionally but thankfully there was no signs of the nightmares Isabelle had mentioned before.

Magnus’s back was starting to ache from sitting in his twisted position for so long now and his legs were cramping as well. 

After another five minutes he gave in and gently untangled his fingers from Alec’s, watching him in case he showed any signs of waking up.

When Magnus was sure he was still fast asleep he stood up as quietly as he could. He stretched his arms and legs, exhaling when his sore joints popped. He walked around to stand in front of Alec and summoned a thick, dark grey blanket from off his bed and wrapped it around the boy for warmth. 

He proceeded to drape a faded orange blanket from his closet over Jace.

As soon as he was sure they were both comfortable he moved on to check on the girls. He cracked open the first door on the left, no one was inside and the curtains were open.

He moved on to the next and his keen feline eyesight allowed him to make out their vague shapes through the darkness. The blackout curtains had been pulled across the window to stop the daytime light getting in. 

Clary’s red hair was mixed with Isabelle’s darker shades against the pillows. The shorter girl was being spooned by the older shadowhunter, if they were as close as they had been Magnus might have taken a picture for Isabelle to put in her 'secret' photo album but instead he just closed the door again.

Once assured that his guests were comfortable he moved to his own room. He didn’t bother turning on any lights and used the last of his slowly depleting magic stores to change himself into his pyjamas. 

He wasn’t thrilled with leaving Alec alone in the living room with Jace but it was better if he didn’t have to wake up and talk to Magnus straight away. 

They would have to talk eventually but the longer Magnus could put it off, the longer he could pretend they were okay still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!   
> All comments welcome! 
> 
> Keep voting! Clizzy or Clary/Lydia/Izzy (FairLightWell ? How's that for a ship name?)


	10. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus witnesses one of Alec's nightmares.

“MAGNUS!” 

The warlock was up and out of bed, hurtling down the hallway before it even registered in his brain that he was awake.

“Magnus!” 

Magnus’s hair was limp and kept falling in his eyes as he ran from his room, he didn’t hear the girl's door open and didn’t see Isabelle stepping out into the corridor behind him. He did however see Jace coming out of the other spare room as he went past.

“Magnus. Magnus please. Help me. Magnus!” 

The warlock burst into the living room. His eyes scanning the room for threats whilst his hands sparked blue in front of him, prepared to fight and protect Alec at any cost. There was no one there other than the shadowhunter on the couch.

Alec was curled up in the same position he had been in at the docks. The blanket was loosely tucked around him but mostly hanging off the sofa on the floor. Magnus lowered his hands and sat in the small space on the couch not taken up by the tall nephilim, he moved Alec’s head onto his lap with shaking hands.

“Magnus…” The boy’s eyes were closed and twitching, his face was twisted in pain and horror. 

He was physically shaking and whimpering. Repeating the warlocks name over and over. 

These were the nightmares Isabelle had mentioned, they were worse than Magnus had imagined. 

“Alexander, darling wake up. I’m here.” Magnus didn’t bother whispering.

“Mags…” 

The shadowhunter rolled over and buried his face in Magnus’s stomach, his arms around the warlock's waist.

“Shhh, baby. It’s okay.” Magnus lifted his hands and placed one on Alec’s waist and the other in his hair, playing with the soft baby hairs at the nape of his neck.

He could feel himself shaking along with the younger boy, he didn’t know if it was because he was just cold or shaken up by the terror in Alec’s cries. Both probably.

“He okay?” 

Magnus turned to look at Jace who was leaning against the wall, looking at the couple on the sofa.

“Yeah, I’ll stay with him. Go back to bed.” Magnus answered. 

Magnus listened to Jace’s receding footsteps and the click of his door before moving. 

“Darling, you need to sit up a bit.” He said to Alec, who had stopped crying out for Magnus but was still breathing far too fast for the warlocks liking.

The shadowhunter nodded and they rearranged themselves so Magnus was tucked in the corner against the sofa arm with Alec mostly in his lap, wrapped in his arms. 

This was how they used to sit whenever they were on the couch however it was often the other way round, with Alec holding Magnus due to the height difference.

Magnus carried on stroking the shadowhunter’s hair and made soothing circles on his back, Alec had his arms tucked in and was leaning against the warlock with his head on his shoulder, face buried in his neck to hide from the outside world.

Neither of them had cried. They were both silent, relishing the others warmth. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asked when Alec’s breathing had slowed down and they weren’t shaking anymore.

Alec muttered something into Magnus’s neck that he couldn’t quite make out, he smiled and asked again.

“What was that darling?” 

“Not really.” 

Alec lifted his head up so he was at eye level with Magnus who moved his hand from the shadowhunters raven-black hair to cup his cheek. 

“Have you talked to anyone about them?” He asked.

Alec shook his head and leaned into Magnus’s palm, closing his eyes.

“You need to Alexander. It will help. Promise you will, soon?” 

“Okay.” 

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” 

Alec’s eyes shot open, forget-me-not blue eyes sharp with panic and fear. His forehead wrinkling slightly as his eyebrows furrowed. Magnus would have thought it was cute if not for the second hand fright he felt just from seeing the normally fearless shadowhunter in such a state.

“No.” He spoke too quickly, he looked down at his hands in his lap.

Magnus lifted the boy's chin with his fingers, catching the other’s gaze and holding it. 

“Okay. Are you hungry?” Magnus offered a small smile to Alec who responded with an even smaller smile but it was something at least.

“Yeah.” 

Magnus dropped his hand to Alec’s shoulder where the boy intertwined their hands just like earlier.

Magnus sighed.

“How much do you remember?” 

Alec’s face scrunched up in thought and this time Magnus smiled at him. 

“Umm..I remember seeing Jace and Izzy gave me some...uh...water?” 

Magnus nodded encouragingly. Alec carried on.

“I remember seeing you...and..I remember thinking that...I uh that I wanted to sleep, I think. We umm held hands..like this..” He looked down at their intertwined finger then back up at Magnus. 

“Yeah. Okay.” The warlock said, apparently there were going to be consequences for his indulgence after all. 

They sat in silence, watching each other. It was probably late afternoon verging on evening now judging from the dusky light coming through the windows.

Both of them were content to sit there forever but eventually Alec’s stomach growled. He turned a beautiful shade of rose pink that started at his cheeks and made its way down his neck. Magnus chuckled.

“What kind of food do you want to eat?” The warlock asked.

“Um...pizza?” Alec was never very good at asking for what he wanted, he’d rather let others make the decisions on small stuff. Like what to eat, where to go, what TV show to watch, that sort of thing.

“Okay then. Why don’t you go have a shower and I’ll get us some food?” Magnus suggested.

Alec nodded. “Okay.”

The boy paused, halfway off Magnus’s lap.

“Oh, wait a minute.”

“Yes?” 

“Are Izzy and Jace here?” He asked, looking around the living room as if they had been there all along but hadn't spoken up.

“They’re asleep in the spare bedrooms. Jace is in the first on the right. Isabelle and Clary are in the second on the right. You remember where the bathroom is right?” Magnus supplied.

Alec nodded again and stood all the way up. 

Magnus stood up as well and handed the shadowhunter a folded towel he’d summoned from his closet as well as a change of clothes, mostly made out of the clothes Alec had left at Magnus’s loft and not returned for.

“Thank you.” He said when he was handed the pile.

“What for?” Magnus asked.

“For not asking any questions yet. For the clothes. For finding me…” Alec trailed off, flushing red again and looking at his ruined shoes that he still had on. 

“I’m leaving the questions for your...exasperated siblings. I only got told yesterday, they’ve been planning what they’re gonna ask for a week, they will undoubtedly have better questions.” Magnus joked. 

He realised he might have overstepped when Alec frowned.

“I’ve been gone a week?” He asked seriously.

“Yes.” 

“And you were only told yesterday? Yesterday?” The disbelief in Alec’s voice was almost humorous for Magnus to hear.

Here was this shadowhunter who had been missing for a week going through who knows what, and the thing he can’t get his pretty little head around is that Magnus had only been told the day before.

“Go for your shower Alec. The others will be awake by the time the food is here and they can you fill you in.” Magnus changed the subject quickly.

Alec gave him one last look that was somewhere between doubt and something Magnus couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Magnus watched him walk away down the hallway before collapsing onto the couch.

He knew Isabelle had said that the nightmares were bad but he hadn’t expected the terror in Alec’s voice as he cried out the warlock’s name, or the contorted expression on his gorgeous face whilst he was in the midst of the nightmare. 

No. He hadn’t been prepared for that. He never would be prepared to see Alec in discomfort.

He certainly hadn’t even thought of how it would affect him either. He could feel the fear inside him, like ice growing from his heart just at the thought of what Alec’s agony caused them both. 

Maybe Izzy was right.

Alec might not heal from this.

But Magnus wouldn’t either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3   
> Keep voting on Clizzy or FairLightWell (or Clizdyia ) ! 
> 
> Lydia will probably be back soon...maybe...I don't know, I'm writing this as I go.
> 
> Any and all comments welcome!


	11. Pizza and Polite Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Clary talk with Magnus.

Magnus stood up from the couch and clicked his fingers. Three pizzas appeared on the coffee table: plain cheese just for Alec and then a spicy chicken and a pepperoni for the others, Magnus wasn't in the mood to eat.

There were a couple of sides of garlic bread as well. Whilst Alec was there, Magnus was going to make damned well sure that he ate properly.

He then moved over to the drinks table, the glasses from earlier were still there. He waved away the one he’d made for Alec and picked up his. He savoured the subtle burn of the alcohol in his throat, it helped to drag him out of his thoughts.

The lights on the walls turned on, bathing the room in a soft, orange glow as the light from outside disappeared. He could hear the shower being turned on at the end of the hall.

He looked up as Jace walked into the room. He’d changed into the grey top and jeans that Magnus had left in his room for him. There were still dark circles under his eyes but he seemed more alert than before and he’d brushed his blonde hair out of the way.

They didn’t say anything.

Magnus walked back over to the couch and sat back in the corner while Jace sat back in the armchair, picking up a piece of pizza as he did so. 

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable but it wasn’t great; it was as if it was charged with anticipation under a layer of exhaustion. Waiting for Alec to return and the girls to wake up. Waiting for answers.

“Thank you.” 

Magnus looked up from his glance to see Jace talking to him. 

“He never calms down that quickly when it’s me there. So thank you.” 

Magnus downed the glass and refilled it with a flick of his finger.

“It’s alright. I didn’t even think about it, I just...Is it like that every time?” 

The warlock wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer but he’d asked now and he may as well know.

“That was the worst yet. Normally his shouts are quieter, it’s like he knew you were here so he called louder.” 

Jace took another piece of pizza. “Izzy told me what you told her about the 'happy ending' bullshit and I have to say, I thought you knew him better.” 

Magnus scoffed. “Is that so little nephilim?”

“Yes.” Jace looked the warlock in the eye, expression defiant and annoyed.

“He gave you everything and when you left it was like you took it all with you. He turns around to talk to you as if you’re still there and the look of pain on his face when he realises you aren't? You should be the one seeing it. Not me. It’s like half of him dropped away, it’s not like before when our bond was weak. It’s like he’s not really there.”

Magnus looked away from the shadowhunter, guilt running through his bloodstream, burning and chilling at the same time.

“I never doubted what he gave up for me just as he never doubted what I gave up for him but I guess I just assumed he would have you guys to help him move on. He does, have you and Isabelle and Clary, but I couldn’t comprehend how hard it would be. For him or me.” 

Jace was still watching the warlock's every move but his eyes moved past him, over Magnus’s shoulder who turned around in his seat to see who was there. 

It was Clary.

“We know it’s been hard on you too Magnus. We can tell. For starters you look as if you've barely eaten in months, Catarina has physically visited the Institute looking into your well-being she was that worried because you hadn't called.” 

Magnus moved to speak, what if Cat had talked to Alec? He knew he'd been neglecting his social life and his friends but Catarina was always so busy at the hospital. How far down had he fallen, not to have noticed it himself?

“No she didn’t talk to Alec. He was off training.” Jace interrupted. Clary nodded in agreement.

“Maryse has been holding it over him, Magnus, and it’s sickening to see her insult you both, it’s as if Alec isn’t even her son to her anymore. He needs you and you need him. Happy endings are something writers make up to bring hope to children, end of. You should know this by now.” 

Clary sat in the other armchair in the room and grabbed a slice of pizza on her way. Magnus turned back around, he finished his drink and put the empty glass on the table. The water was still running in the bathroom.

“I’ll talk to him.” Magnus said quietly. 

Clary seemed pleased and smiled triumphantly while Jace nodded and moved in for a piece of garlic bread. Isabelle came into the room not long after in the same gear as earlier. 

She draped herself on the red-head's lap and stole her pizza.

Magnus and Alec should have that. They had but Magnus had let it go and now there was a chasm between them, one he wasn’t sure he could go across. 

The nephilim were right, he was playing off his fear about hurting Alec and himself as a noble desire to protect him all whilst causing the pain he wanted to prevent. He’d created a mess of everything and all he could do now was hope that Alec would listen to him one more time. For closure if nothing else.

“Alec in the shower?” Izzy asked.

“Yeah, we’ll ask him about where he's been when he comes back. “ Jace answered.

“No, he eats first. Before you start interrogating him.” Magnus said, brokering no arguments.

Eventually, when half of a pizza and a tray of garlic bread were gone, the shower shut off and Alec came into the room in the clothes Magnus had given him.

He was wearing a large sweater that hung off him more than Magnus remembered and a pair of dark navy blue jogging bottoms. He’d managed to find and borrow Magnus’s slippers as well by the looks of it but the warlock didn’t mind. 

“Hey.” He said awkwardly, looking around the room. He sat on the same couch as Magnus but with a large distance between them, it made something inside of the warlock ache. 

“Hi big brother.” Izzy said, smiling. 

Clary waved from behind Izzy who was sitting on her knees still, one arm around the red head’s neck.   
“Hi Alec.” 

“Hey, you feeling alright?” Jace asked, glancing over him for injuries they hadn't noticed earlier. Alec nodded.

The layers of dirt were gone now and Magnus could see small scratches, like paper-cuts, on the boy's shoulders and face and hands. His hair was damp but not soaking, it framed his pale face perfectly. 

When the shadowhunter reached for a piece of pizza he hissed when his injured hand stretched. Magnus reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Let me heal it.” He said immediately, the way his voice rose at the end made it a question though, Magnus was unsure where he stood with the boy.

“Okay.” Alec didn’t argue and the warlock was thankful. 

Magnus brought his other arm round and placed it on top of Alec’s hand, his magic already knew the shadowhunter from when he’d had to use some of Alec’s energy when healing Luke. The warlocks hands glowed blue and the magic swirled from him into the taller man, knitting skin back together, soothing any lingering pain. 

He held on longer so that he could heal the tiny cuts that Magnus could guess were all over his body. Alec was relaxed and watched it happen without moving. Magnus could feel the other’s eyes on them too.

Magnus removed his hands when he was done.

“Go ahead.” He said, motioning at the food laid out in front of them and lay back against the cushions

“Thank you.” Alec took a slice and sat back against the sofa, eating like he hadn’t in days.

He probably hasn’t, Magnus thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Clizzy or Clizdyia?
> 
> All comments welcome, no matter how random!


	12. Questions, Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tells them what happened.

They sat and ate until there was no food left and no one wanted anymore. Magnus had handed out glasses of water and juice at some point and the empty glasses sat on the coffee table that the warlock had just cleared. 

Isabelle had moved to sit on the floor, leaning back between Clarys legs against the armchair the shortest Shadowhunter was sitting in. Jace was in his armchair still, feet on the coffee table. 

Magnus and Alec were on opposite sides of the couch.

The group sat quietly, each waiting for another to speak up first. 

“You can ask questions now but I have one as well.” Alec said eventually, looking around at them all.

The girls shared a look and Jace glanced at Magnus as if saying ‘he's eaten now so we can start right?’ 

The warlock nodded to him.

“Okay.” Jace said, sitting up straight and looking very professional.

“What's your question Alec?” Isabelle asked from the floor. 

Magnus turned to sit with his legs crossed on the couch, looking at Alec who was sitting ramrod straight, hands in his lap, staring down at the floor just past the table.

“Why was Magnus only told yesterday?” 

Of course that was his question. Magnus refused to look at the other shadowhunter’s faces.

“Alec, how long do you think you've been gone?” Clary inquired.

“Magnus said it’s been a week. He could have helped find me, in fact he did find me when you guys couldn't so why was he only told yesterday?” His tone was demanding an answer, it sent a shiver through Magnus.

“We had no idea where you were and getting him involved could have made it even more difficult to negotiate search teams with the Clave, Alec. We also didn't know if you'd been taken or if you had left...by choice.” Izzy answered, voice gentle as if she were explaining a simple math problem to a child.

Alec’s head snapped up and he looked at her accusingly.

“You actually thought I'd leave you for a week without telling you where I was by choice? That what? I'd come back here and had been staying with Magnus without letting you know?” 

Isabelle looked down guiltily and Jace watched with his lips pursed. Clary was silent. Magnus was surprised at how bewildered and offended Alec was.

His was brow furrowed and lips in a tight line, eyes begging for it not to be true. That they hadn't thought he was that far gone, that helpless.

“By the Angel, you did.” Alec whispered, shocked. 

Magnus wanted to reach out and pull him closer, tell him he was overreacting and that his friends, his siblings, wouldn't think so low of him but the looks on the faces in the room gave away the truth.

“We didn't really believe it, Alec. It was a possibility we had to consider, that was all.” Jace said.

The Shadowhunter shook his head and moved his attention to his parabatai.

“Then why didn't you call him, at least to ask?” 

None of them had an answer. Magnus could only watch as Alec's expression fell momentarily before he hid behind the walls he'd been building for years, storing away the betrayal and anger he was undoubtedly feeling.

“Just ask what you want, I want to go back to sleep.” He said, looking at the wall instead of the people around him.

It was hard to remember the light atmosphere from before when they were just eating and catching their breath, now it felt like a storm cloud pressing down on them all. Weighing on their shoulders and minds.

“What do you remember about where you've been?” Jace volunteered when no one else did.

Alec explained how he'd been on a solo hunt when he'd been knocked unconscious from behind. How he'd woken up in the container but how there'd been around five mundanes in there as well at the time.

They had been given a small amount of food and water at night but not enough to give them the energy needed to fight back against their captors, Alec hadn't had his blades or stele either.

He gave up his shares of the water for the younger ones. One had looked around fourteen. 

Each day they had woken up to find one more of them missing, Alec assumed the food had been drugged with tranquilliser serums but they'd had no choice but to eat. The drugs also worked to keep them weak and tired as his natural abilities granted by his angel blood had been no help at all. 

It was eat or die of starvation. Until he'd woken up on the couch with Magnus above him.

“None of this explains the cuts you were covered in though.” Magnus wondered out loud.

“I'd often fall asleep in one corner and wake up in the middle or somewhere else, I think they were from being dragged around or something.” Alec looked up at Magnus.

The warlock thought back to the container, the cuts and the locks on the door. The rough metal and dirt on the floor, it made sense and the torn gear would have been from when he'd been rendered unconscious.

“Do you remember what they looked like?” Magnus asked, he wanted desperately to take the shadowhunter's hand in his own, why had he let this happen?

It was obviously paining Alecto relive what he'd been through but Magnus was just grateful that it hadn't been worse.

It hadn't been rogue downworlder's looking for a torture subject or an angel blooded toy to play with. No, this was one of the better case scenarios Magnus had imagined. No permanent damage, no major evils, no torture or mind games. 

“No, sorry.” 

“Don't. Don't apologise. It's not your fault.” Magnus hated to hear him apologising about something that wasn't his fault.

It was the warlock's fault for abandoning him and not realising how much it had wrecked them both.

“We did find some demons at the docks before we found you and Magnus. It was probably them. Keeping bargaining chips to use with rogue vamps.” Jace spoke up.

“Probably.” Alec agreed, looking at Jace then back to Magnus.

They all took some time to absorb the information. The shadowhunters asked him some other questions that Magnus didn't pay attention to; Alec still seemed a bit peeved with his brother and sister, and Clary but not as much as before. 

He smiled at his friends a couple of times but none of them were anywhere near as bright as the one he'd sent Magnus when he'd first woken up in the loft.

“We ought to go back to the Institute. I need to call Simon as well, he'll want to know how you're doing.” Clary said, standing up without stepping on her girlfriend. 

Magnus looked away from Alec and nodded. 

“I'll open a portal to just outside the wards.” 

“Thank you Magnus.” 

“It's alright Biscuit.”

Isabelle took the hand Clary offered her.

“Alec, you don't have to come with us yet. If you want to stay here and rest a bit more then we can just say it was a dead end at the docks.” Izzy suggested, looking at her brother who had sunk back into the cushions of the sofa. Exhausted after his story and the following questions.

“We know you're safe and I'm sure Magnus won't mind letting you stay for the rest of the night.” Jace chipped in. 

Magnus sent him a grateful look, whilst he and Blondie might not get along well they both wanted what was best for Alec, always.

“Are you sure you don't mind?” Alec asked Magnus.

“Not at all.” The warlock answered, sending a warm smile at the Shadowhunter.

“Okay, thank you.” 

Magnus herded the other three to the door after they all hugged Alec and said their goodbyes. He opened a portal and they said their farewells with the promise to come back in the morning.

“You're still gonna talk to him, right?” Jace asked when the girls had gone through ahead of him.

“Yeah, I am.” Magnus answered.

“Good. You're better when you're together and he doesn't complain as much either.” 

Magnus couldn't help the short laugh that escaped him.

“Look after him.” 

“I will.” 

After a final, uncertain nod from Jace and a roll of the eyes from Magnus the blonde left through the portal and the warlock closed it before heading back into the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> I'm a little worried it's a bit anticlimactic but I want to focus more on the Malec relationship rather than a complicated plot, ya get me?
> 
> Clizzy or Clizdyia? 
> 
> Any and all comments welcome!


	13. THE Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk.

Magnus hovered in the doorway of the living room, leaning sideways against the doorway beam with his arms crossed over his chest loosely. 

 

Alec didn’t seem to notice him but the warlock was fairly certain that even though the shadowhunter hadn’t acknowledged his presence, he knew Magnus was watching him.

 

This was confirmed a moment later when a feather dust of rose blush crept up the boy's neck, Magnus smirked but didn’t move. He was enjoying being able to watch the shadowhunter.

 

The relaxed curve of his shoulders, his long legs tucked under himself in what looked to be an awkward position but was probably very comfortable for him. 

 

Alec’s head rose and their eyes met briefly across the room before he ducked his head, ebony hair hiding his face from Magnus’s view. He was twirling a loose thread in his sweater.

 

“What do you want to talk about, Magnus?” The boy spoke first.

 

Magnus walked over to the couch and sat down at the other end to the shadowhunter, he was aiming for nonchalant and aloof with his movements but he just wasn’t feeling it.

 

“What gave it away?” He asked, genuinely curious about what had been his nervous tell.

 

“Your glamour was up.” Alec answered, looking up at Magnus as if to see if it was there now. 

 

Magnus blinked. 

 

He hadn’t bothered putting on the glamour when he’d woken up to Alec’s shouts and he realised that he had been fiddling with the spell when he was admiring the boy.

 

It was second nature for him to cast it whenever he needed to talk to someone, he wasn’t used to letting it down but he had learnt to when he was with Alec as the boy always liked his natural eyes better for some reason.

 

“Oh.” The warlock couldn’t think of anything intelligent to say. “Do I always do that?”

 

“No...I don’t think so. I notice it, I think, because I’m used to seeing you without it.” Alec sounded unsure and watched for Magnus’s response.

 

The warlock couldn’t even think of something stupid to say this time.

 

Alec had noticed this nervous tick and had filed the information away where he wouldn’t forget it; Magnus hadn’t even known he did it and yet the shadowhunter knew and looked out for it.

 

“So, what is it? Did Jace say something? Or do you not want me here anymore? I can go, I just thought cause..” 

 

Magnus held his finger up in front of the shadowhunters lips, not quite touching, effectively silencing him.

 

“I do not want you to leave unless you want to, Alec. If I minded you being here, I wouldn’t have offered.”

 

Alec looked less panicky at that and the warlock lowered his hand. 

 

“Yes and no. Jace did talk to me, so have the girls by the way. Lovely talks they were.” 

 

Magnus turned to face Alec on the couch, the shadowhunter groaned and buried his face in his hands.

 

“By the Angel, i’m sorry about them.” he muttered into his palms.

 

“It’s alright.” Magnus reassured him, laughing lightly. “But I do want to talk, you’re right.”

 

Alec peeked out from between his fingers at the warlock’s serious tone. He nodded for him to go ahead.

 

“Do you...did I explain to you...why I did what I did?”

 

Alec’s understanding of what the warlock was hinting at was instantaneous.

 

Magnus had to stop himself from fiddling nervously with his glamour spell, he kept it down. It was extremely noticeable to him now it had been pointed out, as most habits were.

 

“Not really…” Alec looked down at Magnus’s hands rather than his face. 

 

The warlock took a deep breath and thought back to three months earlier.

 

\------------Flashback------------

 

_ Magnus and Alec were standing in the warlock’s loft. Chairman Meow was sitting on the sofa, watching the two men having a standoff at opposite sides of the coffee table. The shadowhunter had just walked in to see Magnus pacing around the room. _

 

_ “Alec, we need to talk.”  _

 

_ “Alec? Since when do you… Mags, what’s wrong?” Alec had just gotten back from the Institute and was dressed in gear still. _

 

_ Magnus’s face was bare of glitter and makeup and his eye glamour was up. His posture was tense and defensive whilst Alec was leaning forwards slightly, as if he was about to move and wrap Magnus in his arms or grab his hand. Arms fidgeting at his sides. _

 

_ “Please. Don’t.” The warlocks voice cracked. _

 

_ “Don’t what, Mags? What’s going on?”  _

 

_ Alec’s eyes were flickering over Magnus, looking to see if he was hurt and the confused expression on his face felt like a million bullets to the warlocks heart and stomach. _

 

_ “Don’t call me that. This needs to end. Now.”  _

 

_ “Wait, what? You’re joking right? You can’t be serious.” _

 

_ The confusion turned to disbelief and hurt. _

 

_ “I’m sorry I let it get this far but you...I need you to...It doesn’t matter about the why. It is what it is.”  _

 

_ “Magnus, stop. This isn’t you. What’s happened?”  _

 

_ Denial, Magnus could deal with; he could do this as long as Alec didn’t start crying. He would get through this. _

 

_ “Nothing happened, Alec. Reality hits eventually and this is never going to work. You need to leave, please.” Magnus hated how cold his voice was, it made him sick to his stomach to talk to Alec like this. _

 

_ The kind of tone he’d use when talking to a demon, looking down on them. Arrogant and self-righteous. _

 

_ “Fine. I’ll just...I...Fine. When you feel like explaining you know where to find me.” He didn’t move though, eyes breaking his illusion of flippant annoyance. _

 

_ “I won’t be contacting you Alec. We’re over. Now leave, please.” Magnus turned away before he could see the tears in Alec’s eyes fall. He didn’t let himself fall until the door had clicked shut. _

 

\---------Flashback Over---------

 

“I want to-No, I need to explain why I did what I did. If you’ll let me.” 

 

Alec curled into himself more, head bowed over his knees.

 

“I thought the why didn’t matter.” He said bitterly.

 

“I know what I said and I’m sorry. Will you let me explain?”

 

There was a pause as the warlock waited for an answer.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Thank you.” Magnus said, letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. 

 

“I...I ended it because I realised that even with all the love in the world there was no way you wouldn’t get hurt if I stayed with you. I know you, Alec, I knew that you truly didn’t care if you grew old while I do not. But I also knew that it would eat you up inside because you know I would be left to watch you die in my arms minute by minute and I knew that that would hurt you more than anything.”

 

Alec’s face was hidden from the warlock’s view.

 

“So, I thought it was better if you had a chance. A chance to find someone else that could give you a happy ending. That’s all I ever wanted but I… I realise now that I was wrong. There are no happy endings in our world, I should have realised this sooner but it took me losing you to understand that and God I get it now. I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”

 

“Please, believe me when I say that all I wanted was to protect you but I see now that I've been blind. Horribly blind to your suffering and my own. I don’t know how to function without you near me, without hearing your voice every day, without seeing you when I wake up in the morning, without your love. I’m so sorry, Alec.” 

 

Magnus’s cheeks were burning and he suspected that there were tears rolling down his cheeks, he looked earnestly at Alec who raised his head to meet Magnus’s gaze.

 

There was a single tear rolling down his beautiful face.

 

“What do you want me to say? That I’ve been broken too? That I understand, that it’s been like half of me has been missing for the past three months? Do you expect me to pour my heart out to you? To trust you again? What do you want from me, Magnus?” 

 

He was angry. Magnus had never seen him so torn and heartbroken. This is what he had caused and he couldn’t glue the pieces back together.

 

“No.” He whispered.

 

“Then what? Do you expect me to take you back like nothing ever happened? That’s not going to happen!” 

 

Magnus clenched his fists in his lap, focusing on the feeling of his nails biting into skin.

 

“I’ve locked myself away to protect others before, I’ve lived my entire life hating myself so my siblings didn’t have to pick sides between their parents and their brother. I know what sacrifice is when it’s for the right reasons and what you did, that wasn’t for the right reason.” 

 

Alec’s eyes were like a storm, angry and violent. Lashing out through the pain with his words. 

 

Each sentence was a cut on Magnus’s skin, another piece of his heart shriveling up into nothing. 

 

Then he felt the anger wash over him as well, he had been doing it for what he’d thought was right at the time. How could the shadowhunter blame him for trying to protect Alec himself?

 

“No! Of course not Alec! That’s not what I want!” The warlock burst out.

 

Alec deflated immediately. So did Magnus.

 

“Then why?” The younger man asked.

 

Why explain his actions? Why bring up old wounds? Why disturb the peace?

  
“Because I miss you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3 
> 
> Clizzy or Clizdyia?
> 
> Any and all comments welcome!


	14. Penultimate Past-times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of last chapter.

“You miss me?”

“I haven’t stopped missing you since I turned my back on you. I am truly sorry Alec. I was horribly wrong and I’ve screwed it up, screwed us up. I’m sorry.” 

“You haven’t, not entirely.”

“Ha. Sure.”

“I’m serious, it’s gonna take time and I don’t trust you right now but I’ve missed you too. Jace was right about what he said in the corridor earlier. We are better together. This proves that.” 

“You heard that huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t, being apart has clearly not worked and you’re right. There are no happy endings so why should we torture ourselves now when we should be appreciating what we have?”

“You’ve gotten awfully wise Alec Lightwood.”

“Alexander. Not Alec, never Alec.”

“Okay, Alexander.” 

They smiled at each other tentatively. The warlock held out his hand for the shadowhunter to take. Instead, Alec unfurled himself and pulled Magnus against him, one hand behind Magnus’s neck and one further down his back. Holding them together.

The shadowhunter buried his face in Magnus’s neck and the warlock held onto him for dear life. 

He didn’t want to ever let go, not again.

They sat wrapped in each other’s embrace for a while before Alec pulled back.

“What is it, darling?” Magnus asked, moving one hand to trace the shadowhunter's cheek bones with his thumb.

“I just missed looking at you.” He answered quietly.

“Well, get a good luck because I’m fairly certain your siblings are coming to reclaim you in the morning.” Magnus’s tone was light and he was rewarded with a brilliant smile from the other man.

“Better make the most of the time we have then.”

Alec was blushing before he even finished the sentence.

“Did I just really say that?” He asked immediately afterwards.

Magnus chuckled.

“It was wonderfully said, Alexander.” 

Alec blushed and looked up through his long eyelashes.

“Mags-wait, can I call you Mags?” 

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

Alec smiled again, it was like looking at the sun after a long, dark night.

“Good, can I...can I kiss you?” The blush was working it’s way to a deep scarlet now and it was spreading down the boy’s neck.

“Please.” Magnus replied, lowering his hands to his sides. 

Giving Alexander the control to go at his own pace. 

He wasn’t going to screw it up this time, not again.

Alec lifted his hands to cup Magnus’s face and brought them closer, slowly, watching the warlock's face for any sign to stop. Magnus closed his eyes and less than a second later the shadowhunter’s lips were on his.

The kiss was slow and gentle, testing the waters. The younger man leading the way. 

He tasted of the strawberry juice he’d drank earlier and just so wonderfully Alexander. Magnus couldn’t imagine living without these kisses, or Alec’s scent or careful touch. He couldn’t imagine anything but the moment they were in.

Eventually, they had to break for air but Magnus leaned forwards straight away to find the other man’s lips again, this time taking control. 

Biting lightly at the shadowhunter's bottom lip. Bathing in the angelic glory that was Alexander Lightwood.

Alec responded happily, moving to wrap his arms around Magnus’s neck, pulling himself down to the warlock’s level for better access, while the warlock moved to hold onto the shadowhunter's sides.

This time when they surfaced for air Alec spoke up but Magnus kept his eyes closed.

“You know, I wasn’t lying when I said I was tired earlier.” 

Magnus smiled and opened his eye to drown in the ocean that was looking down at him.

“I don’t doubt you were.” 

The warlock pecked on his lips again but Alec pulled back, laughing breathily.

“Alex-ander. Such a tease.” Magnus complained dramatically, running circles under the hem of Alec’s sweater.

“Sorry Mags, but you know Jace will come after you if you don’t let me sleep.” 

He had a point, unfortunately.

“Do you still want to stay on the couch? It’s definitely not very comfortable.” Magnus said.

He was walking a dangerous line; he didn’t want to pressure Alec into anything or scare him away but he wasn’t going to leave him uncomfortable.

“Hmmm it wasn’t great, I’ll admit.” 

Magnus nodded and started to disentangle them from each other.

“I’ll get one of the spare rooms ready.”

“Mags, is that okay? I don’t want to be a nuisance.” Alec caught Magnus’s wrist when the warlock stood up. 

“You could never be a nuisance, darling.” He pressed a light kiss to the boy's forehead before heading down the corridor.

He couldn’t help shaking his hips a bit when he felt Alec’s eyes following him. A sharp peal of laughter gave him all the answer he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Sorry this one was a lot shorter than the other's but it's one of my personal favourites, which probably means it's awful, so I'm not changing it. XD
> 
> Next chapter is the last one guys! Last chance for all readers to vote for Clizzy or Clizdyia!
> 
> Any and all comments welcome!


	15. Happy Endings Are Just A Delusion

Magnus was having trouble sleeping, he was being kept awake by the thoughts running through his mind.

 

They’d kissed. They’d made up, sort of. 

 

‘I don’t trust you right now’ 

 

That had hurt, it still did, but the warlock couldn’t blame Alec for his distrust.

 

Magnus had made the same promises before and he’d broken them all in the space of five minutes. He wouldn’t trust himself either. He didn’t, in fact.

 

He was worried that he would be overcome by the same fears that had prompted him to end it before, that they would return and eat them both up until nothing was left. Destroying everything they were working towards.

 

Knowing how fragile they were scared him, he couldn’t go through losing Alec again. He may have seemed coy and carefree when they talked before but now he was a mess of nerves.

 

No matter how much he tossed and turned, he couldn't get to sleep. Knowing Alec was in the other room, likely having another nightmare because even though they’d started to work towards fixing things, it didn’t stop just like that. 

 

There wasn’t a spell to make it all better.

 

The fact that he was listening out for Alec’s shouts was probably the only reason that he did hear them. 

 

Hours before dawn and the shadowhunters would arrive to take him away to face the Clave and his parents and Magnus sat bolt upright listening intently.

 

“No...enough.” 

 

It wasn’t anywhere near as loud as last time but Magnus could still hear him clearly from across the hall. 

 

The warlock stood up and walked briskly to Alec’s room. He knocked but received no answer so he cracked the door open enough for him to see inside.

 

“You’re not real. It wasn’t real...please…no.” 

 

Alec was curled up facing away from Magnus, blankets twisted around his form. 

 

Magnus stepped into the room, closing the door behind him whilst using his magic to turn the lamp on the bedside table nearest him to a soft glow that lit up the room slightly. 

 

“Alec-Alexander. Wake up.” 

 

He stopped next to the bed, Alec was still facing away from him and the warlock wasn’t sure where the boundaries were between them.

 

Would touching him to wake him up make it worse or better? Last time it had taken him minutes to wake him up but it looked as if Alec was caught in a much deeper dream this time. He was hardly moving, just pleading with his nightmare.

 

“It can’t have been real...please…” 

 

“Alexander. Wake up, it’s just a dream. It’s not real.” Magnus sat on the very edge of the bed, practically falling off. 

 

He placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder, his intent was to turn him onto his back gently so he could see him better and figure out how deep a sleep it was. The shadowhunter had other ideas.

 

As soon as the warlocks fingers touched him, Alec twisted around, sitting upright and flinching away from the other man.

 

“No!”

 

Magnus froze. Watching the shadowhunter's eyes move around the room, he had pulled most of the covers with him to the other side of the bed and was sitting with his arms out in a defensive position. Eyes wide in the dark.

 

The warlock stayed still, not even breathing. Alec’s face was fearful and wild, hair spiked everywhere which just enhanced the unearthly look.

 

“Magnus…” He whispered, lowering his arms. 

 

He still stayed as far away from the warlock as he could get though.

 

“Are you okay?” The warlock asked.

 

“Yes. I’m fine.” He bristled at the question, voice as defensive as his position.

 

“Okay. Good. I just wanted to check. I’m just going to...goodnight Alexander.” 

 

Magnus stood up and started moving to the door, he could feel Alec watching him.

 

“I’m sorry, Mags. I just...I don’t...I can’t talk about it...not yet.” 

 

‘ _Not with you’_ , Magnus finished the sentence in his mind.

 

It hurt, a lot, but he just nodded and turned to smile over his shoulder.

 

“I know. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

 

He went back to bed and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

 

\---------Next Morning--------

 

Magnus was awake before Alec and made them both breakfast waffles, ‘made’ being a loosely used term. 

 

When Alec got up they sat and ate in an awkward silence, neither of them mentioning Alec’s nightmare. 

 

Magnus cleared up the dishes and was about to go and do his daily make-up routine when Alec blocked his way out of the room.

 

“Why aren’t we talking?” He asked.

 

“Because it’s rude to speak when you’re eating?” 

 

Alec rolled his eyes and the warlock smiled.

 

“Not what I meant.” 

 

“I know, darling.”

 

“Then why?” 

 

“Because, I’m not going to pressure you into talking about anything you don’t want to. I don’t know where the lines are anymore, I don’t know how much this week has affected you and how much of it is what I did but I’m not willing to test the boundaries this early on. I’m...confused.”

 

“Confusion is a part of it.” Alec said and Magnus couldn’t help the grin that escaped.

 

“It’s how you know something is there.” He finished, quoting himself.

 

“I know we’re in a balancing act right now, Mags. But if I don’t want to talk about something then I won’t so don’t treat me like I’m a fragile piece of glass. I’m not.”

 

“Okay.” He said simply.

 

“Thank you.”

 

They stood looking at each other until Alec realised he was still in the doorway, he blushed and started stuttering as he moved to the side.

 

“Oh um...sorry. You were trying to go somewhere…” 

 

Magnus laughed lightly.

 

“I was going to get ready for your friends to arrive. I repaired your gear by the way so you can take that back with you.” 

 

Alec looked down at Magnus and smiled gratefully.

 

“Thanks.” 

 

“Your welcome, darling. Do you need something to wear today?” Magnus asked, looking Alec up and down. He was still in the pyjamas Magnus had given him.

 

“Um..yeah, if it’s not too much trouble.” 

 

“None at all, come with me.” 

 

It was too late when Magnus realised that he had just taken Alec’s hand in his and was walking the taller man down the hallway to his room with him. Luckily the shadowhunter didn’t seem to mind and intertwined their fingers even more.

 

Magnus lent him a pair of black skinny jeans he hadn’t realised he owned and the top that said ‘Blink if you want me’ in sparkling letters, totally nothing to do with Magnus being nostalgic, not at all.

 

It didn’t take him long to put on a basic layer of make-up, eyeliner and eye-shadow then pick an outfit. He definitely didn’t notice that most of his clothes were in shades of blue but it was too late to change now.

 

Magnus walked into the kitchen to see Alec leaning against the counter nursing a mug of coffee just as the doorbell rang and his protective wards were set off. 

 

“You ready?” Magnus asked, looking at Alec. 

 

The shadowhunter put down his cup and moved to stand in front of Magnus.

 

“I think so.”

 

Magnus had to tilt his head up to look into his beautiful eyes.

 

“Shall I call you tonight?” The warlock asked. 

 

Someone started banging on the door.

 

“Yeah...okay.” 

 

Neither of them moved. 

 

“Magnus Bane, you better not be ignoring us just to make out with my brother!” Jace’s voice shouted from outside. The banging continued.

 

Alec turned bright red and spluttered while Magnus just laughed.

 

“We..uh..ought to let them in.” The shadowhunter said.

 

“If we have to.” Magnus accepted the unavoidable and took a step back.

 

Alec, however, had other ideas and followed after him, cupping his face in his hands and planting a soft kiss on his lips.

 

Before Magnus could react, Alec had backed away, blushing furiously and had headed to his room to get his gear. 

 

Magnus had a feeling he looked like a lovestruck teenager when he opened the door but didn’t really care. 

 

“And good morning to you too, Blondie.” Magnus greeted.

 

Jace scowled and pushed past him.

 

“Morning Magnus.” Clary said politely.

 

“Morning Biscuit and Isabelle and Lydia. How many more of you are there?” 

 

“No more, don’t worry.” Lydia answered.

 

Magnus led the girls into the living room where they sat on the couch. 

 

Lydia sat at one end, professional as always if it wasn’t for Clary’s hand on her knee, reminding her that they were among friends so she should try and relax. The shortest shadowhunter was sat in the middle with Isabelle on her left, the dark haired shadowhunter resting her head on Clary’s shoulder. 

 

They were adorable and it was nice to see them together. He knew it had been difficult for Isabelle and Clary to have Lydia away so much in Idris working on Clave negotiations.

 

Probably worse for Lydia because at least the other two girls had had each other,the blonde had been on her own.

 

Jace sat in one of the armchairs while Magnus stayed standing. 

 

“Where is he then?” Jace asked rather bluntly.

 

Almost rude if Magnus wasn’t used to the nephilim’s behaviour by then.

 

“Jace don’t be so...you! It’s not like he kidnapped me!” Alec’s voice came from the spare room.

 

“There he is.” Izzy said laughing. 

 

“He’s just getting his gear.”  Magnus answered the blonde’s question.

 

“How has he been?” Lydia asked, eyes nervous and worried. She had yet to see her friend, she’d only had the reports from her girlfriends and Jace.

 

“He’s better than he was. More relaxed.”

 

He didn’t mention the nightmare.

 

Soon enough, Alec stepped into the room with his gear in hand, he set it down on the coffee table before walking over to sit in the armchair. Magnus gravitated to stand next to him, leaning slightly against the back of the chair.

 

“Sharing clothes again huh?” Izzy teased.

 

Alec turned red and Magnus just smirked.

 

“Izzy!” Clary exclaimed, hitting the girl next to her lightly on the arm.

 

“Jeez, sorry.” She apologised but they were all still smiling.

 

“I thought...never mind.” Lydia said, Magnus sent her a grateful look for not asking them to explain whatever it was going on between him and Alec. 

 

He knew Lydia was a bit behind on it all still.

 

“Have you told our parents yet?” Alec asked.

 

Isabelle’s smile faded along with the other’s.

 

“No. Not yet. We thought it was best to work out our story first.” Lydia said. 

 

“Okay.” Alec replied, agreeing with the idea.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to sit down, Magnus, it could take a while?” Clary asked.

 

Everyone turned to look at him, including Alec who looked up and met his gaze.

 

“I’m okay, Biscuit.” He answered, offering a smile to back up his answer.

 

“Mags, you’re...um...playing with your glamour again. Are you okay?” Alec asked quietly, tugging on the warlock’s sleeve to get his attention when the other’s started bouncing ideas around noisily.

 

Again, Magnus hadn’t realised he had been doing it and looked down appreciatively at the younger man.

 

“I’m fine, darling. Don’t worry.” 

 

Alec smiled back, a real smile that Magnus wanted to photograph so he could look at it everyday for the rest of time.

 

“Okay.” 

 

“Are you?”

 

“I’m getting there.”

  
They both were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this until the end! <3
> 
> If you want anything else writing let me know in the comments and I'll do my best.
> 
> Also, extra thank you to all who voted. In the end you guys drew so I had to turn to my friend who knows nothing about Shadowhunters and he voted Clizdyia so that's what you got.
> 
> Those who said you didn't mind, I counted it as a vote to both.
> 
> Any and all comments are welcome! Love you all so much! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Constructive criticism, comments and prompts are welcome!
> 
> Russian Translation thanks to alexRM! https://ficbook.net/readfic/5221897


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